Is That All There Is....

2012-01-05T10:09:00.003-05:00

Hendrika (Riek) Theodora Blok - Van Straaten
April 13, 1923 - December 19, 2011

At the end of your journey
you will pause, turn around, and look back

You gaze at the people who stay behind
The children you raised, you cared for, you loved so dearly

You think of all the miles you traveled
The stops, the U-turns, the potholes in the road

You will smile at the memories of laughter, feel sad about the tears that were shed
The pain you endured
The frustration of dealing with stubborn teenagers, who were themselves trying so hard to find their own roads to travel
Your heart breaking when those roads took them far away from you
The joy of realizing that eventually the all came back to the main road

The way your heart overflowed with love and wonder, as you held your very first grandchild in your arms.
The joy of watching many more grandchildren and their children coming along.

You will glow thinking of the love of your life
How you managed to hold on to his hand until it was time for him to end his own journey.

You know that your life was beautiful, you were loved by all of us.

You can turn now knowing that love will sustain us forever.

So go, dearest Mama, go finish your journey.

Step over the threshold of Heaven, grab the hand of your love

and rest in peace forever.

Thank you for everything

The Old Guard is Slowing Down

2011-10-14T11:44:00.004-04:00

A few months ago, my Mom had some blood work done, and the docs were afraid she had leukemia. So they set her up for a bone marrow biopsy.
Needless to say this news got us all worried and in a tizzy.
She had to have the test done in a hospital in The Hague, as opposed to the one next door to her.
The biopsy went well, they extracted some marrow from her hip as well as some bone. It was an uncomfortable procedure, but she did well, and had no after pain.
Then the waiting started.
On October 4th they went back to the hospital to get the results and discuss her options.
It was my brother's turn to take her.

It turns out she doesn't have leukemia. She has Myelodysplastic Syndrome, which is a bone marrow disease. In some cases this will turn into acute leukemia however.
So now they are going to check her blood every four weeks, to see if the situation is getting worse, or will turn out to be more of a chronic nature.
She might need regular blood transfusions in the future.

It really is a bit too much for her. She is 88, has heart failure, and her kidneys are working at only 40%. And now this.
She is also depressed and anxious, and is still grieving deeply for my father.
I feel rather helpless, being so far away, and considering the situation at home, not much of a chance to visit in the near future.

Then there is her older sister in Australia. 93 Years old. Vascular dementia. Heart problems, and history of strokes.
She has been having a few episodes where she needed to be hospitalized for various reasons. But she seems to pop up again after every crisis.

The girls in this family are tough old birds I tell ya. The oldest passed away a few years ago at the age of 94. Then the next one to 'go' was the auntie I took care of here. She was 90 when she died.
There is a brother, who turned 90. Then my Mom and then another sister who is 85.
They all have their health problems, but somehow they stick it out.
Amazing.

Here at home things are steady. Wheelie is depending on me more and more to assist him. We've started talking about the future, how we will handle things once he becomes to difficult for me to handle.
It will take me a while to start the ball rolling. I need to call the state's Council for Seniors, see if I can get someone to assess the situation and get some advice.

But right now I am still adjusting to being on Prozac. It seems to be working. My anxiety attacks are becoming less and less. My whole attitude is changing. I seem to have a lot more patience, and have more kind feelings.

It's also becoming much easier to say "no" as well.

And that's a good thing.

Fall is here. I love the temperatures. I even love the occasional rain.

SGMKJ

The ZEN of supermarket

2011-09-30T10:01:00.003-04:00

These days I get my quiet and ME time just going grocery shopping. Since the summer was hot hot hot for three months, I usually would go first thing in the morning, after Wheelie was dressed and fed.
Amazing how peaceful you get when you walk through the isles with your shopping cart, just pleasantly zoning out. I get a lot of: May I help you, ma'am? Guess people notice I'm wandering aimlessly.
It calms me down though, enjoy it very much.

So yes, the summer was long and hot. We didn't go out much at all, except when it was absolutely necessary.

I did have a good time on my trip home. Although it was exhausting. I got so tired that I got really sick one night. Just purging everything I guess.

Mom's birthday was fun. The trip to Friesland was wonderful. Mom loved her surprise. She had always wanted to go to Jopie Huisman's museum.
I marveled at how old my old country is, and that there are still so many areas where time seems to have stood still. Beautiful landscapes, little villages, farms, healthy looking livestock everywhere. Plus we had gorgeous weather.

The day with my old friends was amazing. We ate and talked all day. So good to catch up with those girls.
The evening with my old co-worker was also a success. He spent his life working for the government and had many great stories about his travels and his life. It also helped that he brought flowers and pastries. Yumm.

Bugs, Boo and Philip went to the Gulf coast for a well deserved vacation. They had a super time. Even went to see the dolphins. It was Boo's first time at the beach, and she loved it!

And here we are, tomorrow it will be October again. The weather is finally becoming cooler and so much more pleasant.

Wheelie is slowing down though. A few months ago he had a cold. It took a toll. It seems that his arms and legs became weaker, and I had to start helping him out with dressing, bathroom stuff. It promptly threw out my back. I had to take it very easy for about three weeks. It was a challenge.

Boo was at our house 6 days a week. Not all day, but after school, sometimes overnight, it was getting too much for Oma.
I started having anxiety attacks again. So one Monday morning I snuck into Dr. Tim's office without an appointment and without telling anyone.
As always, he lent me a sympathetic ear. He decided to put me on Prozac. He also told me it was time I stopped babysitting.

So I had a few talks with Bugs. Explained to her that it was time I got myself better, so I could take care of Pop. The time has come that Oma priorities change course. Oma needs to regroup, get better, start moving, and flip the internal switch. Pay more attention to Wheelie, physically and mentally and emotionally.
We had slipped into a, not altogether uncomfortable, way of life, which was getting to the point where we spent most our day in opposite rooms, not talking. He doing his thing, me staying on my bed watching TV with the sound down, or reading.
I gained ten pounds last year. I look like shit. I have no energy to DO anything. It takes a great effort to just keep the house tidy, keep the laundry clean, cook dinner, and doing the dishes. Driving to pick up Boo every day was getting to be a chore. Her hyper nature driving me nuts.

Since taking the Prozac I've started to feel a subtle change. Every day this week I managed to do one big project.
One day I cleaned Boo's room. Got out all her old clothes and baby toys, sorted all her other stuff, books, etc.
The other day I cleaned everything in the bedroom. After a few months of eBay I needed to organize and put away the packing stuff, boxes, tubes, put away the ironing board which I use for packing table.
Yesterday I cleaned the garage. Actually took the vacuum cleaner and did a serious number on the nooks and crannies.
The 'normal' housewife would probably scoff at these accomplishments, but they were huge for me.

I stopped feeling guilty about taking time to rest. My anxiety attacks are less often, but they still come, but are manageable.
I really worry about the future. Right now Wheelie is doing okay. But I am always waiting for something to happen.
He had a bone density test, and the doctor diagnosed him with osteoporosis.
So now I'm afraid his bones will snap.
It hasn't gotten to the point yet where I need professional help with him, but I worry when it will come. Where do I go. Will we be able to afford it.

Basically, life is on the fence. Quiet before the storm. I need to concentrate on TODAY only. The meds seem to be helpful.
We shall see.

SGMKJ

2011-03-10T19:36:00.002-05:00

Wow! Has is really been THAT long??

It's March 10, 2011.
After a few warm weeks the weather decided to give us some more winter, so after a day of soaking rain, we now have winds and cold yucky weather.

I am gearing up for my trip to Holland (April 7) in time for Mom's 88th birthday. After paying way too much last year I was able to use my frequent flyer points and get a practically free ticket this time.

I am ambivalent about going. Wanting to meet a few old friends, but not wanting to leave Wheelie to fend for himself.
Oh, we know Bugs will take care of him, but this past year has taken a bit of a toll on his condition. Things just don't work as well as they did a year ago.

But, like my sister insists, I NEED to get out, if only for a week. Try and have some fun, not to worry or think about "home"

Mom is doing a little better after she was hooked up with an organization that takes care of seniors like her, who needs a little push in the back.
She was very depressed and back and forth in the hospital. She definitely needed some psych help, which she is now (reluctantly) getting. Of course knowing that I'll be coming over perked her right up too.

So we shall see. I am looking forward to meeting with an old work chum of mine. A recent widower. We worked together when I lived in Holland for a few years in the 70s. We send each other Christmas cards and birthday cards every year, and have kept in touch.
Then I am having a little reunion with my girls from the old neighborhood.
On Tuesday my sister and I are taking Mom way up to Friesland to visit a museum, spending the night at a nice little hotel.
On Sunday we will have our annual birthday party with everyone in the family. The first time without my father.

I am also hoping to meet and visit with some of my cousins. We'll see how it all goes.

At home things are rather quiet. No big dramas.
Boo-boo is growing and getting very smart. Hard to believe she is turning 4 in April.
Bugs, Philip and Boo are going on a real family vacation in May, they are going to the beach! They are so excited about it!

Next Wednesday Bugs will have another court date for the damn child support. The wheels of government turn ever so slow, but I guess things are happening. He hasn't paid his child support since I wrote last back in December.
His parents moved to an apartment, and his father had to close his pretty obsolete business of TV repair.
We haven't heard from them, they probably finally got the memo that we are not interested in having them in our lives.

Depending on what happens on Wednesday, I hope Bugs will be able to file a motion to have Daddy permanently removed as Boo's father. That way he won't have to pay anymore, and everyone can go their merry way....you hope...

We shall see.

Right now it's time to drag Boo out of the bathtub. Get her ready for bed.

SGMKJ

It was only a matter of time

2010-12-24T20:26:00.002-05:00

Daddy didn't pay his child support this month.
It was only a matter of time. Bugs received three payments. Now she will contact DFCS in January and drag him into court again. This time to make him renounce his parenthood.

Or whatever you call that.

She's fed up. He owes her over $11,000.00!!!

Of course we have no idea what's happening with him. Bugs told him that she would honor his request for contact, but that she wanted to talk with him first before he was to see Boo.
She has not heard from him since she wrote him. I told her it would only be a matter of time before he would lapse and get into drugs again. Wouldn't surprise me if that was the case.

In the meantime, Boo is getting very fond of Phillip, she is comfortable calling him Daddy. No one told her to call him that, she just started it automatically.
He does what Daddies do. He gets up with her at night when she has a bad dream, he takes her to baseball games, he plays with her, he put together the bike she's getting for Christmas.
I like the way he interacts with her. She listens to him. He is clearly an important person in her life.

So this morning, I could not get the computer to start up. After the initial temper tantrum, I decided to just get a new one. What the hell! This machine was 8 years old. A Dinosaur.

Despite the busy day at Best Buys, I got excellent service from a young man. Someone who took his time, answered my questions, didn't seem to think I was a complete computer moron.
When he suggested this particular machine I asked him: would you buy this one for your mom? He said: Yes!
:>)

The Geek Squad was amazing. They prepared my computer for normal use, they took my fried old hard drive and managed to save all my pictures, as well as both of our bookmarks/favorites. (Wheely likes to use Explorer, I like to use Firefox)

Installing the thing was not hard either. And soon we were back on track.

Sigh of relief.

A busy day, driving back and forth between Cartersville and Acworth. Bugs, Boo and I went to get some last minute stuff at Super Target. Boo was in super form today, making people laugh.
She ordered hot chocolate with chips at Starbucks, like a pro.

At home I still had the mountain of gifts to wrap. We only bought stuff for the smallest ones in the family.
I can't wait to watch her open her presents tomorrow, it is really the first year that she is fully aware of what Christmas means.

They are forecasting snow for tomorrow. First rain, then flurries, then perhaps a few inches of the real stuff.

Oh joy!

Bugs and Phillip will cook our dinner tomorrow. Standing rib roast with homemade smashed potatoes and asparagus.

I am looking forward to it.

Merry Christmas y'all!

SGMKJ!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

2010-12-22T20:21:00.002-05:00

Noordeinde, Den Haag

The weather in Europe is frightful. It has been snowing off and on for over a week now, sometimes 3-4 feet. They're not used to it.
I haven't seen this much snow since when I was very very young.

Mom is getting more annoyed every day. She is supposed to spend Christmas with my brother and his family up north. My sister and her beau are supposed to drive her, and the plan is for her to stay until Sunday, when my brother will drive her home again.
This is a 3 hour drive. Nothing for us here in the USA, but in a small country like Holland it might as well be at the other side of the world.

I have the feeling that Mom is silently hoping she won't have to go. She rather wallow and be sad in her apartment.
So we all hope and pray that the snow will be manageable on Friday. My sister is hell bent on taking her. :>)

I found this picture online. It's a street in Den Haag, the neighborhood my father grew up in. The Queen's Palace is on this street. There used to be lots of cool shops on this street, antique stores, a violin maker, bunch of great bakeries, an Indonesian "stuff" store, a carpet store with real Persian carpets. Jewelers, and a stationery store that's still there. The owner's mother lived above the store. The wall of her apartment backed up to the wall of my grandfather's house. They have both been gone now for ages, but when they were still alive she would listen to my grandfather coughing in the morning. If she didn't hear him she would go and check on him.

At this particular time of year, the loss of my father is affecting my family greatly. The first Christmas without him. After so many years of memorable Christmases. We all seem to be dealing with it in our own way.
My sister not wanting to celebrate much and is happy to just hole up in her apartment.
Me searching for old pictures online, dreaming of years gone by.
Mom, feeling hopelessly sad.
My brothers most likely feeling the same emptiness.

Here at home we're dealing with stubborn colds/sinus infections. Bugs has been sent home two nights in a row. She has been so sick. First a virus in her chest, then a sinus infection that doesn't seem to budge. She is in a vicious circle. If she doesn't work she doesn't get paid. If she doesn't have money she can't go to the doctor. So she keeps staying sick. Keeps trying to go to work.

Only in America can you for for a boss who doesn't pay you a salary, where you make your money from tips alone. Only in America do they have the nerve to demand a note from the doctor if you want to stay home sick. A note from the doctor means a visit, and $60.

The cold has been hovering in my own head as well. Dry cough, sneezing, but not stuffed up.
It's been a month now. I need everyone to be healthy again. This is ridiculous.
Thank God Wheelie hasn't caught it yet.

Boo is finally perking up a bit. Right now she is loudly singing: Rudolph the Red nosed Reindeer!!!!!!!!!!! She has been sick for about a month as well. But at least she kicked the virus (B flu) and hasn't had a fever for the past week. Still pale, but she seems to be on the path of recovery.

She has been happily rearranging my Christmas decorations. The stuffed reindeer have seen all the corners of the house, and are currently lined up on the couch.

Boo is managing to learn a few Christmas songs, of which she only knows a few lines, and repeats them ad nauseum. Rudolph, Jingle Bells, and Oh Christmas tree are part of her repertoire. Sometimes it feels like her needle is stuck, but nevertheless it's a grand sound to have a little one singing around the house.

I just tucked her in bed, she's staying over, so Mom can sleep in tomorrow.

It sure doesn't feel much like Christmas, but we're trying.

SGMKJ!

Looking for Tarzan

2010-12-16T19:08:00.002-05:00

That's Grandma with Wheelie, Lucille, and Johnny

Lately, Wheelie feels the need to have long conversations with me when we go to bed at night. During the day he doesn't want to "bother" me.
His voice is affected by his Ataxia, and speaking is hard for him, especially when I am flitting around the house, outside his or my earshot.

So at night in bed I am the captive audience, so to speak.
Usually it ticks me off, as the conversations are usually about the movies he has seen that day, about the actors etc. Sometimes he seems to be thinking out loud trying to remember names or places. It ticks me off because I am either reading, or watching a particular TV program. Plus it's hard to understand him.

I know, sounds selfish, but bear with me.

Last night he started talking about the time he was little.
It was June 1946. He was 9 years old. While his grandmother was taking a nap, he and his little sister Lucille put on their bathing suits and started walking. Barefoot. They lived in Oakland, CA. They walked for hours, all the way to Alameda, then back along the Skyline. They were both sunburned, blisters on their feet. A lady stopped her car and asked them if they were lost. Wheelie said: "I'm not, be SHE is," pointing at his sister. :>)
The lady drove them home, where a very worried grandmother had already called Mom at work. Mom was a riveter at the Docks. A real Rosie the Riveter! (It was war time)

When I asked him why they did that, he said: "we were looking for Tarzan."

I so clearly saw in my mind's eye, the two of them in their swim suits, walking along those long streets, up and down the hill.

The point of my story is this: We get so frustrated with the loved ones we care for, we sometimes forget that once they were adorable little children, their entire lives ahead of them, full of dreams, high hopes, ignorant to the dangers, loved and worried about by their parents and others in their orbit.

It made me feel rather ashamed to realize how miffed I get sometimes when he wants to "talk" before his sleep meds kick in.

Just glad he is still with me, that I am able to take care of him.

Bat girl

2010-10-20T13:36:00.004-04:00

ke
We had Boo overnight again. She woke up around 3 coughing. At 5 I'd had enough and so had she. She refused to take medicine, so I got up with her and watched Dumbo. As soon as she was upright the cough was gone. Post nasal drip I guess.

Poor Wheelie couldn't get back to sleep either so he got up and had his shower at 6.
In the meantime Boo was roaring and ready to start the day, running around with her bat hat on eating BUGS, because that's what bats DO, while the both of us kind of sat around bleary eyed and yawning.

She then proceeded to sit at her little table, invited Wheelie to sit by her and started "reading" him a big pile of books. It was now 7 am (yes, that is Matt Lauer on the TV and yes, it was still kinda dark outside.)

We had our breakfast, got her to brush her teeth, took my own shower, and then got her dressed in her new outfit. It is picture day at school. Her first! So she had to look nice. Well, she did.

As soon as I got back home I jumped back in bed and managed to sleep for a few more hours. Wheelie took a nap at the dining room table. He simply refuses to go back to bed for a nap.

So life has been going well. No large upsets. Weather still just amazing. Mom doing pretty good.

Bugs received her first child support check the other day. Crap! She was SO hoping he wouldn't so she could take him back to court again in November and get his sorry butt back incarcerated.
Unfortunately she only gets half of what she is supposed to, probably a condition of the Fathers Work plan. The State takes it out of his paycheck, and since he is working in a Salon as a receptionist and hair sweeper, he can't be making much.

She claims she doesn't want the money. What a dunce! We suggested she start a savings account for Boo with it. After all it IS for HER. So now we are waiting for him to contact Bugs in regard to visitation of some sort. She is petrified. But since he hasn't made any effort in that direction she has some breathing room. Of course the time will come when she will have to face the music and make some arrangements with him. I can tell the whole issue still overwhelms her.

My mother has been trying to get me to go OUT and DO things (she should talk, hehe)
So when one of my neighbors invited me to join her at the knitting club at St. Francis, I went.
What can I say. Bunch of old ladies knitting and crocheting and yapping. Not my cuppa tea, but what the heck. I'll honor my neighbor's invitation and go a few times.

Since the weather has been so cool in the morning I've also started to do a little walking again. My hips are simply rusted. It's downright disgusting how I've let myself go the past year.
I can't go very far, but try to go a little further every time.

It's a start, isn't it?

SGMKJ!

10-10-10

2010-10-10T18:44:00.002-04:00

Another Sunday.
After our "live" alarm clock got us up at 7:30, we got a phone call from the fraud department of one of our major credit card companies.
Someone in Florida was getting gas and groceries in Homestead and charging it to my account.
I wonder how in the world they got a hold of it, since I never physically use that card, and only use it for Amazon and ordering flowers for Mom online.
It amazed me that they had all the information at their fingertips, and told me exactly where the card was used and when. Thank God no one tried to buy a flat screen TV or some other large item.
It was caught in time. The account is now closed, the cards cut up, and the issue investigated.

I took Boo-boo home at ten (Bugs was still asleep, I later found out she didn't get out of work until 4:30am, this girl needs a different job)
While driving I dropped something and muttered: Oma is such a dummmy... Comes the voice from the backseat: nah, Oma is friggin'....
Huh? *lol*
After I dropped her off I went to the store for the paper, and the rest of the day I spent fast asleep in bed. Dead to the world, strange dreams, driving the car with my eyes glued shut etc...

The temps are warm again, very strange for October, 90 degrees!

I guess the last few days have been nice and quiet.
One of my neighbors knocked on my door the other day. She heard from my neighbor across the street that I needed to get out and DO something.
Well, on Thursday I will join her and her other cronies for the Knitting Group at St. Francis Catholic Church.
I sold all my leftover yarn and knitting needles during my garage sale. Actually I sold some and GAVE most of it to yet another neighbor, who, as it turns out, goes to the same "club"

Not an unfamiliar activity for me. Both my aunts back in California did a lot of knitting and crocheting for "the Sisters" in their parish. Many of my afghans went there as well.

So we'll see what this is all about.

Mom spent last weekend at my brothers'. She said she had a good time (mind you, weekend meaning: picking her up late on Friday and bringing her back early Sunday, baby steps, I guess)
But getting out of her house seems to have perked her up a little. My sister and her man should be back from Spain by now, but I haven't heard from her yet.
I get the feeling everyone needs their space at the moment. I certainly can identify with that.
I wish I could just go and disappear for a while by myself.

SGMKJ

What is wrong with my head?

2010-10-06T12:10:00.002-04:00

I've made a real mess of my checking account. Just have no idea how I could screw it up so bad. I do my banking online. I guess sometimes when I pay the bills I fill out the info, like the amount and date, but I forget to CLICK the submit button on the bottom.

Really stupid stuff. It's frustrating.

My head hurts. Feels like it's stuffed with cotton. Sometimes I say the weirdest thing without realizing it. Like I was telling Bugs last night about Boo: "Her little motor mouth never STARTED"...(instead of STOPPED)
Then my husband mentions I was whistling "that" Sousa march (Stars and Stripes) last night...He mentioned it two minutes after I apparently did. I had no idea I did...

My short term memory is pretty bad as well. I'll get up to do something or get something and the minute my butt leaves the chair I will have forgotten what it was.
And no, it's NOT something we ALL do sometimes. It is getting worse. It's embarrassing. I can't remember people's names, Folks I know. I forget my phone number, complete blank the other day.
I still cry at the drop of a hat. Don't need much to get very emotional. Thank God I keep it down to while I am in the car driving.
Yeah, I know...dangerous...Sometimes I literally have to pull over...

Today is my day off. Had to go to the bank, did some browsing at Target and Kohls, but I got so dizzy in the stores, I had to leave.

Boo was funny last night. She is very good at entertaining herself these days. Sits and
reads books to her invisible friends, runs around the house flying her fairies around. Gets everything out of my jewelry cabinet. Holding up a solid jade bangle: Look Oma, a tiny hoola hoop!

Wheely seems to be getting more withdrawn, fragile. He scares me when he dozes off. Or when he's asleep in bed. He can look so old, so pale, so dead.
I found a bunch of his old coworkers on Facebook. Some of them emailed him, and he wrote them back. But I don't see much joy or surprise in him. Maybe he just doesn't want to be bothered.

It has gotten cold at night. I love this weather, nice and cool and sunny, crisp. Time for the down comforters and the flannel sheets.

I've got $267 left in the bank until the 27th. Should be interesting. At least all the bills except the Cable is paid for the month.
Lots of soup for dinner I guess....

'Daddy' managed to send Philip a message in Facebook. He says he wants to do the right thing.
etc. So...where is he? Why isn't he calling Bugs instead? He seems to be circling around, trying to find a way in. He probably wouldn't dare email me, he's probably scared pissless of me and my big mouth. :>)

One of Ph.'s dogs had to be put down. He bit Ph's little brother (AGAIN) The kid's father, who had him for the weekend found out and called the cops. The dog was gone and dead before Ph. was even told. I can't blame the guy though. Both dogs have bitten the children. You simply cannot mix two small hyper kids and three big dogs in one small house. It doesn't matter what kind of dogs they are. (This, unfortunately, was a pit-mix) Even our dachsie was known to nip a few people in her time.
I feel bad for Ph. But I would have done the same thing. So the other dogs are now on notice. The bluetick hound who bit Boo a few months ago is a sweet dog, but if the kids get to wild with her and corner her, she will try and defend herself. Ph and I got into a very emotional word exchange about that. (that's putting it nicely)

Sweet dog or not, children en other humans come first in my opinion.

And so it goes.....

SGMKJ

Flowers from Mom

2010-10-02T16:17:00.002-04:00

Got this big surprise yesterday. My Mom sent me flowers...."just because"....
Such a sweet surprise.
Of course Boo-boo had to pose with them, putting on her ham face.

It has been a nice quiet Saturday. Went grocery shopping this morning. Started out at the big Target, was disappointed with their prices, so I shopped at Super Wallymart instead.

It's tough when you only have about $400 to spend on food until next payday (October 27) after all the bills are paid. When the money wasn't so tight I would be shopping for little things for Boo, like clothes and shoes and little treats. No more. Bugs will now be the sole clothes / shoes buyer from now on.

The weather to great. Didn't walk this morning (not going to overdo it I suppose, hehe)
And right now Boo is sprawled out on my bed watching Pocahantas, for the 300th time.
I wouldn't be surprised if she nodded off. Not good, because she is spending the night and I am hoping to get her in bed at 8:30 (Oma's time)

So...no news is good news.

I tried to film Boo and myself singing a song last night, but it didn't turn out so hot. Will have to try another time.

Wishing you all a great weekend.

SGMKJ!

We're walking again

2010-09-30T20:07:00.004-04:00

This morning was so nice and cool, I decided to go for a walk. I desperately need it!!
It was raining a little, but that didn't stop me from enjoying my little stroll.
Just 15 minutes, a loop around the neighborhood and a short ways up the road a piece.

Just really love this cool weather.

Boo-boo is being an angel today. She is behaving and very sweet, low maintenance. Whew.
I think she just inherited her Opa's and Mom's feisty nature. She ate all her dinner, didn't want/need a bath, brushed her teeth with her new toothpaste and toothbrush.

************

When I wrote Daddy's father I also copied his mom. Well, mom came at me from a different angle. :>)
She thought my email was GREAT and she made Daddy read it, And she thinks he changed his behavior immediately!!! Like I am going to believe THAT!
Than she started her usual spiel about how much Boo-boo loves them and wants them and misses them. Boo-boo wouldn't know them from Adam.
She wants us all to be a big happy family. Blah blah blah...Not in this lifetime, lady!

Is it just me, or am I expecting too much from Daddy? Shouldn't he have contacted Bugs by now, even just tried? Has he shown any interest in his little girl? Nah....

If I were released from jail early, and I was missing my little child so much and wanted to do good for her, I wouldn't waste a second, I would make sure it was known that I was THERE, trying to be a good person, contributing to her welfare, trying to make up for lost time, and APOLOGIZE to everyone who has been touched by his bad behavior.

I guess this is all supposed to happen through osmosis...

Perhaps I should just shut up about this issue, but dammit, I AM affected, my family is affected.
And I am angry about it.

************

Overseas, Mom is going to spend the weekend with my brother's family. I hope the change of pace will do her good. My sister and her man are driving down to Spain to spend a week in the sun in Barcelona with her son. Good for them!

I am trying to get Boo-boo to sing a song with me and film it.

She's not in the mood tonight. Oh well!

Tomorrow perhaps!

SGMKJ!

Damn hand

2010-09-28T20:43:00.005-04:00

A few weeks ago I had this amazing dream. Mind you, most of my dreams are amazing, always extremely entertaining. This one though was a bit like a syfy movie. I was hanging onto a ledge on a tall building, during some sort of space war. All the cats turned feral, and one of them, a big calico cat, was chomping on my right hand, hanging on for dear life, me hanging on the ledge with the other.
It hurt like hell. It woke me up. My hand still hurt after I woke up!!
And it still does today.
It's not like the arthritic pain I have been having in my fingers. No, this feels more like how they describe carpal tunnel syndrome. The whole hand is sore from the inside out.

It might be from using the mouse....who knows.

My sister had just had surgery for that on both hands. She was out of commission for 4-6 weeks for each hand. I can't imagine me being out of commission...Brrrr....

The weather has made a huge turn for the better. Last night I even had to pull the quilt over myself. It's almost flannel sheet time again!!!! Now I have to try and remember where I stored our down comforter. Can't find it anywhere, and this is not a large house. Gotta be in the attic.

Boo-boo is in bed. Hopefully she'll get to sleep fast (HA!) Last night she, Philip and Bugs and another couple with a small boy went to the Braves game in Atlanta.
We were having huge storms come through so the game was delayed for an hour and a half. They stayed through the 7th inning (game went into 11 innings). The kids LOVED it!!!

I can't wait to take her to see the Nutcracker, and some of the Ice shows. She is getting to that age where she can enjoy the shows.

Bugs and Philip went to see Alice in Chains tonight, so Boo is sleeping over.
I was hoping she would still be pooped from last night, but she is having serious conversations with her dollies about behaving and listening!!!! Oh Lord.

I already read her her books, sang her three songs (my limit) and she's had her drink of chocolate milk. So she should be 'good to go'

She is completely ignoring Wheelie tonight. Wonder what that's all about.

Well, it's time to get the whip out, get that puppy back in bed :>)

SGMKJ!

Atumn at last

2010-09-26T19:23:00.002-04:00

What does depression look like?
Anyone know?

I decided to stop cold turkey with my antidepressants about three weeks ago. I just really hated the way they made me feel. Always just coasting on an even keel. No high or low emotions, no laughing out loud or screaming of frustration.

The withdrawal symptoms were mild. Headaches, dizziness, blurred vision. But that all went away eventually.

The old me is back. But in a way I've learned to curb my impulses...well...for the most part....
So the meds did have some benefit I guess.

It's still a chore to babysit my little Boo-boo. Mentally and physically. It's not that I don't love her or want her to be here, my body is just protesting. I try not to be so damn selfish about it. It's part of life. The duty of family when you need to pitch in.
Yeah, try telling me THAT at 9 in the evening when she is still going full tilt. :>)
She is a fun loving little kid. She LOVES going to "school" She has friends, is excited to go there, and also excited when I pick her up. We play hide and seek in the house, play with the many puzzles we have, She is an amazing story teller, goes into these fabulous fantasy playtimes with her dollies and her little animals. She is an absolute angel when she is asleep :>)

We all miss our father. Mom is much affected. Misses him, feels bad, is losing weight, can't eat, feels so damn lonely, her heart problems seemingly getting worse. The doctors assure her it's
"just" the stress. Yes, she does have heart failure, high blood pressure, but her grieving is making her sick. Telling her it's just the stress isn't helping.

She has no clue about finances. Is at a loss every time she receives a bill for something. I explained to her today that these bills will keep coming in for a while. Things are just catching up, being straightened out. Leave it to my brother or my sister to take care of. She cannot be expected to take care of the financial crap at this point in her life.
She needs rest, needs a soft place to fall.

As much as my sister helps her and is there at her beck and call, I feel an overwhelming guilt for not being there. So the phone calls will just have to take care of that.

Not sure if it helps her much. Not being so happy myself. Life is not very exciting at the moment. Everything seems to be coasting along.

We finally had some relief from the heat though. 80-some days with temps over 90 was enough to drive you nuts. Last night the thunderstorms and the rain made me snuggle under my blanket and smile, and say: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Wheelie and I have our little bedtime talk before his meds kick in. Last night I tried to explain how blogs work; how Facebook works. He doesn't understand how I manage to find all these folks from our past.
Which goes to show you how bored I am all day when Boo isn't here. I surf the net!

Daddy is out of jail. Philip found him on Facebook the other day. He must have been let go in the first week of August. Needless to say I had to check it out. Wish I hadn't. He is still the juvenile moron. Is proud to have kicked all his drugs, has been clean for 15 months. Well, no duh!!! He was in jail!

What really pissed me off to no end was that at one point he posted some rather vile garbage while using Boo-boo's picture as his profile picture. No one that I could see ever called him on that. His parents were pretty much enabling him to spout whatever he thought was funny.

Well, It got rather bad the other day, and my impulsive side came out and I wrote to his father.
Not calling anyone names, kept it real short, and to the point. Told him how disgusted I was about his behavior online, and that I was keeping hard copies of everything that was over the top.

Seems that Daddy's Dad didn't like my attitude. As always, they drew their wagons around their precious son. Accusing ME of being the bad guy.

Well, after that, Daddy did take off the latest rants on his page. He also finally discovered how to set his privacy settings. *lol*
So, not being able to read his crap anymore anyway I blocked him, his parents and his siblings. If only to stop myself from peeking once in a while. It's just way too upsetting.

But it sure felt good to poke the fire a little.

Of course Bugs hasn't seen a penny of child support. She went straight to DFCS to make sure they had her new address, just in case. Daddy had already been there. In my opinion probably a condition of his release/parole, he signed up for some father work program.

Right now he is working in a "salon" sweeping up hair and answering the phones. I'd rather see him working for the DOT, on the roads, filling potholes, directing traffic, soaking up asfalt, you know, dirty hard MAN work.

Bugs is waiting for the end of November. At which time if she still hasn't received any child support, she can start the whole business all over again, and have him thrown in jail again.

She was told that she will most likely never see any of the outstanding money he owes her (two+ years worth) unless he wins the lottery. She was frustrated to hear that of course.

So we wait again...she might alltogether just petition the court to have him denounce his parental rights. Screw the money.

And so it goes. Bitch bitch bitch bitch....................:>)

I am being told to find some friends, start a hobby. Hmmm...I am 63, been there done that.
I want to be retired, travel, go to the opera, the symphony, the museum.
Don't want to go alone. Wheelie is becoming less and less moveable. Has a rough time getting in and out of the car. Just doesn't want to bother anymore.

Could be worse, I know....:>)

SGMKJ

Calgon...take me awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

2010-07-30T20:11:00.002-04:00

I am having secret thoughts about sneaking away by myself. Somewhere at the beach, or at a nice spa with a large pool, where I can get a nice massage every day, go for long leisurely swims, sit in the sun, or in the shade.
Have someone feed me scrumptious meals.
Read a few good books.
Do a gigantic complicated jigsaw puzzle.

Just all by myself.
So I won't have to talk, listen, get up every two minutes to DO something, cook dinners and lunches, clean bathrooms, and do laundry.

Bring a small stereo and a box with my favorite CDs.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Life marches on........

2010-07-29T18:44:00.004-04:00

It has been two months since my father died.
We all seem to be coming to grips with it now, slowly. I won't speak for my brothers, as I haven't spoken with either one of them since, but my Mom, sister and I are doing fine.
The phone calls are getting more spread out during the week. Mom is getting into her new routine. As the last little items from the funeral are being settled and she is now preparing to finalize ordering the little stone and picking the place at the cemetery. She wants it to be next to a little pond, because Papa loved fishing. :>)

I can only imagine the new world that is opening up for her now. She has never in her entire life been on her own. So unlike my sister and me.

So life is settling down. Here at home things are going well.
Boo started a new daycare past Monday and LOVES it. She smiles going in and smiles coming out.
She really needs this, making little friends, learning stuff, playing, not being around two old people who huff and puff after noon.
She grows before your very eyes. Tall and skinny, like her Momma.

Bugs is looking good. She likes her job, even though the hours have been a bit off lately, but she loves the bar tending. Makes decent money. She has gained some weight, has no longer any kidney problems.

And now she will have some time for herself while Boo is at school. Something she needs. Time to get to the bottom of her house situation. The house still doesn't seem in foreclosure. The loan now carried by B of A. This after countless phone calls and stonewalling from the lenders. I have no earthly clue about any of this, but one thing is certain. She needs the get this monkey off her back.

A few months before Christmas I allowed Nana and grandpa to visit with Boo. As you might remember, I did that without anyone knowing. Things got out of hand. Nana became pretty pushy, wanting more visits and more interaction than I was able to provide. When they came to our house at Christmas, I told them that I was no longer going to be able to let them visit Boo without her mother's permission. Needless to say it upset them, and I felt bad.

On the other hand, I didn't need the stress over this issue. It's not my problem. It's not their problem. It's an issue that needs to be resolved by Daddy and Bugs. And since Daddy still has about 14 months left on his jail sentence, and since he doesn't seem to have any interest in his daughter (He COULD send her a card fro her birthday or for Christmas etc) I have a feeling that Bugs won't let them see her any time soon.

Nana emails me sometimes, sad, desperate emails. I don't write back. I told her I wasn't going to.
Nana is a bit over the top. Perhaps that sounds harsh, but believe me. She is.

The last email was written all in caps. They went to see a lawyer (something they threatened ME with a few months ago). I don't know why they bothered. According to the law here in GA. the (unmarried) father and his family have no rights. Bugs is the only one who can and will determine what will happen in regard of her daughter.
Considering the destructive path he decided for himself, no judge in this state will allow him custody, or unsupervised visitation.
In her letter she wrote that they talked with a lawyer, who advised them to "work it out amongst yourselves", and that they would not like any decision they would get from a judge. Not at this point.

It has been a relief not to have to deal with this problem. I am so grateful Bugs has a stable life now, with a decent guy, both working hard, saving their money. But most of all, she seems happy.

Whew!

SGMKJ!

Time is just going too fast.............

2010-07-05T14:45:00.004-04:00

It has been over a month since we said goodbye to our father.
My sister sailed to England with her friend for a much needed vacation.
My brother stayed with Mom for another few weeks and also went back home eventually.
It has been such a strange month. It feels like I've been in a long dream.

Grieving is such a strange thing. We all grieve so differently.
Mom keeps herself busy. Trying to stay "strong." Not really wanting to get too emotional.
I have talked with her almost every day. She has been cleaning closets, putting papa's stuff away, getting rid of his leftover meds, his clothes. I am so glad/privileged she told me that she has been crying, that she still goes back and forth from the kitchen to the living room wanting to tell him something.
She feels she is running into him all the time.
She cries when she tells me: we sure had a good life, didn't we? Always had fun....
She misses him. I knew they loved each other. But not until I saw her interaction with my father during the viewing did I get a real sense of how much they were one.

If she would have had the chance she would have crawled into that coffin with him. Watching her talk to him, kiss him, stroke his face, told him how cold he felt...where are you....say something....
That was the essence of love. My sister, brother and I looked at each other and we all knew it.

He looked so peaceful, freshly shaven, hair brushed, nice suit on, a tie...his kind face so still.

Before he was taken to the crematorium, we all closed the coffin together. Such a defining absolute moment. He was really gone.

The service was very sweet. Surrounded by beautiful flower arrangements. We didn't plan it, but everyone ordered white flowers.
Ruud had enlarged the last picture ever taken of my father, taken on my mother's birthday, April 13. His face showing the essence of the man. The humor in his eyes.

The music we picked out was perfect, our little speeches went off without a hitch. While our guests walked by him and left the room, we all cried. We went and formed a circle around him and said one more goodbye. The priest pulled a big white rose from Mom's arrangement, dipped it in Holy Water and blessed the coffin. We all got soaking wet. Something my father would have loved.

It was nice to see many of the cousins again. All grown up, overweight, gray hair, we laughed at that, had a good time. I just wish I could have stayed a few more days, would have loved to talk with everyone again.

When we left the building afterward, I automatically turned around and asked: where's papa?
No one thought it was strange, it was such an automatic thing to say...

And here we are, an entire month later. I could blame it on my summer cold, and my lingering sinusitis, or my meds, but I've been existing in a daze.
Not really feeling awful and sad, but just melancholic, a bit empty. Just awed at human life. How someone you've known and loved so much all your life is just....gone...........

Crazy..........

SGMKJ

Eulogy

2010-06-07T14:05:00.005-04:00

Good afternoon

I am Meta

I am the oldest

Today we say goodbye to the sweetest father in the world.

A calm, friendly, patient man.

A man who did everything right in his life.

He fell in love with a sweet woman, romanced her for six years, married her, raised four children.

He loved his family like crazy, adored my mother.

You could tell in everything he did.

My parents were a team.

Their love and humor was the glue that kept our family together.

Ours was a home full of laughter and nuttyness, much of it around the dinner table at night.

We were not rich by any means, but as children we never wanted for anything.

When we showed interest in a new hobby, or wanted to join a new sports club, those ideas were enthusiastically supported.

They shielded us from the ugly things around us and the world. We had a carefree, wonderful youth.

When we all finally flew the coop, and some of us moved to far away lands, that love and support followed us wherever we went.

The team was always ready to help us, the distances were never a hinder.

Papa was my hero.

I had a crush on him as far back as I can remember.

He could do anything, fixed everything.

His motto was: If I can't do it, it can't be done!

He once made this gorgeous doll house for me. I must have been 6 or 7 years old. It had everything. Real lights, a door bell that worked, and a little fireplace. He made the furniture, Mom made the little rugs and the curtains.

I destroyed that beautiful toy in no time.

Years later, when I had my own little boy who broke every toy he ever received, I really understood the love and patience with which my parents made that old doll house.

That understanding and appreciation stayed with me all my life.

Being the oldest I got to take swim lessons at my Father's swim team on Wednesday evenings.

I felt so important sitting behind his back on the big motor bike, my little legs tucked in the huge leather bags.

I was so proud of my Dad who was a swim instructor for the team. An athletic figure, that gorgeous black wavy hair, those hip little swim trunks.

On Sundays he would take me to watch him play soccer. He was a goalie. Much more important than the other players on the field. I loved watching him keep the balls out of the net.

With his dark outfit, those gloves, that black hair all messed up.

My Daddy was hot!

He taught me to play the guitar, how to sing. And he gave me the gift of appreciating music other than the Top Hits of the day.

But the most important thing I learned from him was to have patience. To have respect and be kind to others.

Papa was a man of a generation that is disappearing.

So it is with a sad but very thankful and loving heart that I tell him goodbye.

Thanks Papa!

Good Job! (two thumbs up)
I love you

And I will miss you

Perhaps Love - John Denver & Placido Domingo

2010-05-29T10:53:00.001-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YnfCH7LNcM

My sweet Papa has gone to heaven

2010-05-28T20:20:00.005-04:00

Got word this morning that my father was taken to the hospital after falling at home trying to go to the bathroom. A few hours later he was gone. His candle was slowly going out lately, and this morning he developed pneumonia/bronchitis, ran a high fever, was delirious.

After a few hours at the hospital Mom and my sister went downstairs for a little break, while the staff could clean him up and change him and move him to a private room. A nurse came to get them, and by the time they reached his room he was gone.

We all expected my father to leave this earth for the past few months now as he kept becoming quieter, lost interest in things. It always comes as a surprise, you're just not prepared for it.
I had not seen him in two years, be we spoke on the phone every week. The last time being Sunday. I never knew how big of an effort it was for him to psyche himself up to come to the phone and try to sound like his old jolly self. Mom told me he would be exhausted afterward.

We are so grateful he did not suffer, or linger with tubes and needles and whatnot.

What a way to go, and what a life.

I am glad I spoke with him past Sunday.

Good night papa.

Here is a piece I initially wrote a few years ago, and then repeated it again last year.

Well, here it is, one more time:

My very earliest memories of my father was when I was about 4 or 5. We were visiting old friends of mom and dad's, and their children (I vaguely remember there being two girls, older than myself) were playing some sort of new board game with my father. When he lost, I felt horrible for him. Not really embarrassed, but just felt he should have won from these girls. After all, my father was God in my eyes, he could do anything!

Most of my childhood's memories are to be found in the many photo albums I have laying around.And lately, I often I sit and visit these albums. I use a magnifying glass, as the old pictures are very tiny, and I've discovered that when you use a magnifying glass, you can see the facial expressions and other goodies otherwise not visible.I also found that if you concentrated on those pictures long enough your memories would come flooding back.True! Try it sometimes!We had a pretty extensive family. Both on my mother's side, and on my father's side. There were tons of cousins, aunts, uncles, no grandmas, but two grandpas. Many family visits, birthday celebrations, and yes, funerals, of course.My brothers, sister and I had a very happy and carefree childhood.

My parents were the perfect couple, devout Catholics, mom was the homemaker, papa was the breadwinner.Simple as that.And they adored each other, they still do.I can't speak for my siblings, but I never in my entire life saw or heard them fight, or squabble.They did not curse, they did not raise their voices.

Mom kept the house in spic-span shape, papa made sure things got fixed, and together they raised the four of us, seemingly effortless.The four of us were allowed to be children, we wore great clothes (for a great deal made by mom, she was a terrific seamstress), always looked clean and fresh (she used hair gel on the boys, which made them look a tad starched, but VERY tidy)She had her cleaning/housekeeping ritual, which in later years made me rebel and drive me insane! *S*

But I digress...In his younger days my father was a very handsome fellow. (He still is of course) He was strong, he was athletic, he was very good looking, had pitch black wavy hair, and he drove a huge motor bike for his job.He wore a funny looking hat/helmet and a long black leather coat and had huge leather mittens.He was a telephone repair person in the days when telephones were still a luxury, and not everyone had one.He was always involved in sports. Gave swimming lessons, coached and played soccer (he was a goalie), sailed, walked the "Vierdaagse" a few times.check it out if you're interested:

http://walking.about.com/library/weekly/aa072799.htm

Besides his job, he was the quintessential "daddy knows best." He knew how to fix anything. His motto was: if I can't fix it, it can't be fixed." He built toys for us, sturdy ones, from solid wood, I mean, some of the trucks he made for the boys could do some damage IF you had been able to actually pick it up and throw it through the room!He was extremely artistic as well. Could draw a portrait with a pencil made to look like the actual photograph.

He was also very musical. He taught me how to play the guitar, and gave me the gift of love for classical music, albeit operetta and cowboy music, it was a start. He still hauls out his harmonica every chance he gets and serenades everyone who will stand still long enough.

He made us all bicycles from scratch, would go around on garbage day and haul parts home. He even detailed them with fine gold lines and whirly decorations. They always looked like they came from the regular bike factory. He found old broken clocks and made them new again, TV's, radios, you name it! (However, when he came home once with parts of a baby grand piano, mom drew the line *lol*)When I was 5 or so, he made me a beautiful doll house. It had an electric doorbell, a fireplace that lit up, Mom made little curtains, small rugs, they made furniture, it was a real gem.Unfortunately I was a rather destructive child and this pretty house was destroyed in a matter of days. The empty dollhouse sat on a basement shelf for years after that, they didn't have the heart to throw it away.I don't remember being punished for it, I probably was, but I just don't recall.Of course thinking back now, it brings tears to my eyes, and guilt...SOoooo much guilt!

We went on vacation pretty much every year. In Holland at that time every guild or group of workers would get the same two weeks vacation. All the construction workers went at the same time, etc etc.My parents would rent a bungalow somewhere inland. In the early years we would take a bus. The bus picked up families all over Den Haag and took us all to the location of the Bungalow Park.Our stuff would be transported by truck.

My mom had a wooden crate they used as a trunk. It would have our clothes, linens, food, games, books, and the box of snacks. It took her weeks to fill it up, everything clean and pressed, of course.The weeks out in the woods were always wonderful. Considering the whole country would fit inside the State of Georgia about 13 times, you can imagine we really didn't GO very far, but to us it was like going to the other side of the world.Driving on the freeway alone gave us the thrill of feeling we were going somewhere far far away.

When my dad got his drivers license, we would rent a car for our vacation. He always rented an Opel, four door sedan. Boy, did we feel rich! I was always so damn proud of my dad, he looked SO important (and hot!) driving that big car!!When I became a teenager (I was/am the oldest) my parents ran into some resistance from me.Being the oldest in a catholic household meant you had to "go through" everything first.

And being the rebel I was, it was tough going. I'm talking about non-catholic boyfriends; refusing to go to church, wanting a job instead of finishing high school, etc etc.My father though stayed his calm old self. I could always count on him for support. My mom would just simply freak out *S*

One of my fondest memories of my father was the time that I was going on my very first date.I made a date with a boy I worked with, and became my first really BIG love. We were to meet in Scheveningen, on the Boulevard, and go see the fireworks.I don't remember how I got there, probably took the tram.I walked along the Boulevard a few times, but no boyfriend...nowhere to be seen.Aw nuts!As I walked back and forth I felt someone watching me from the street above. I looked up and there was my father, on his motor bike. With a grin on his face. (He had these lopsided grins)Where are you supposed to meet? he asked...At the Shooting Gallery, I replied.....He laughed!!Well kiddo, you're on the wrong side!!!.......Geesh!I ran towards back to where the Shooting Gallery was and low and behold, there was my boyfriend, on his Puch motor bike. *S*As we walked back together, my dad was still there, grinning from ear to ear, shaking his head.I felt extremely grateful, and so safe. And so relieved.

Not until I had kids of my own did I understand the anxiety you go through as a parent of a teenager. The way they can just scare the daylights out of you, make you worry yourself into a tizzy, hurt you by their selfish and silly acts.I hope my father knows that he did a fabulous job raising us.Even in old age, he never forgets to send us a check around Christmas time (we jokingly call it our "zakgeld"; allowance.

He is still being Papa, he will always be the responsible and loving father.Ever since his health started declining about ten years ago, I've been thinking of what I would say at his funeral.I can never get past the first sentence:"Today we say goodbye to the sweetest man in the world....."I really hope we will have him around for a little while longer, especially now, when we all appreciate and love him so much more....It's really a shame that it sometimes takes a lifetime to understand what your parents meant to you, how well of a job they really did of raising you.Thanks mom and dad!I love you both, very much!

SGMKJ!

Long time no see

2010-05-19T11:42:00.004-04:00

Wow, has it really been THAT long?

I haven't written since October, well, I have, but I deleted some posts.

So here we are, six months later.

I blame my lack of motivation to doing much of anything on my medication(s)
Ever since I started taking Paxil, it seemed that my urge to write, and do much of anything except what was necessary, just faded away.
With the Paxil, my anxieties, and much of my depression has faded as well. Ya gotta take the good with the bad I guess.
The Paxil has enabled me to cope so much better with life though, and it seems that everyone has benefited from it.

A few months ago my doctor put me on blood pressure meds. Beta blockers. It takes a while to get the dosage right, the first try was too high and made me dizzy all the time.
The lower dose did not really do much for me other than making me extremely tired all the time.
I also developed a huge craving of sugars, and for weeks I noshed mainly on caramels, rice crispy treats and ice cream, like being pregnant. I gained 5 pounds.

So the other day he switched me to Lisinopril. He also told me to start taking multi vitamins and vitamin D. Believe it or not, I can already feel the difference. Have more energy, my cravings for sweets way down.

Blood pressure is down, head clearer, way to go!

But enough about me.

Bugs and Boo moved into Philip's mother's house after her lease on the town house ended. They decided to do this mainly to save money. They are now paying Mom's mortgage (which is extremely low) and she pays the utilities. Mom and little brother (7 and not so little though) moved into Philips old room, Boo moved in brother's room and Philip and Bugs took Mom's 'master bedroom'

When they told me about their decision I had to try very hard not to burst out laughing.
I mean, moving into another woman's house? MY Bugs? HA!
But, thanks to the Paxil (I am sure) I was able to keep my trap shut and not say one word.
Something I have been getting very good at lately. Not interfering, no suggestions, just letting her do her thing.
So two months into this new situation and things seem to be working out. The only problem I see are the pets. Boo was bitten by the cat a few months ago. This time I did urge her to call the doctor, to make sure of what she needed to do. (The cat has recently disappeared, on down...)

Then a few weeks ago she was bitten (on the face, no punctures just scratches) by the Blue tick hound dog. Lucy is a very docile sweet dog, but apparently Boo kept bugging her and cornered her and the dog reacted. I was furious, and let both Bugs and Philip know I was.
I took pictures of Boo's face and let the adults know I would not tolerate a second incident.
The dogs are now outside (they say) There is also a pitt mix, and a black mutt.
If it had been the pitt (his name is Blue) I would have called the cops, as he has bitten brother once.
What really pissed me off to no end was the fact that Philip kept blaming Boo instead of the dog.
So I let them both know that I WOULD not tolerate a second incident, involving anyone in that family, especially the kids.

This was really the only time I came out of my Paxil stupor and got really really upset. It did take a few sedatives that day and the next to settle me down.

Bugs still works at the sport bar, mainly bar tending, mainly in the evening/nights. Which works out rather well for everyone. She is home with Boo most of the day, and Boo stays with us overnight when she has to 'close', which is usually 2 or 3 am.

Boo is growing like a bean stalk. Just turned three. Very tall, her hair getting long, her vocabulary amazing.
She hasn't had any colds or breathing problems throughout the winter. Which is a good thing, because when she gets it, we get it as well. Wheelie doesn't fare too well with colds these days.

She is finally potty trained. From one day to the other. Amazing. She now proudly wears her Princess big girl panties.

Wheelie is doing well. His prostate cancer seems to have either disappeared or slowed way down. He still gets his shot every six months.
He got a clean bill of health from his primary the other day. He has been "working out" with some light weight dumbbells and weights on his ankles, and sits outside for his daily dose of vitamin D and K on the patio or the front porch, depending on the wind situation.

My parents are going strong. Well, as strong as they can. I really wish I could go and see them.

My backyard looks like a wilderness. But I am just going to call it the natural look for now. My two rose bushes are blooming. The creeping Jenny once again refused to die throughout the cold winter, the hostas came back with a vengeance. The wild strawberries look kinda cute, and the violets in my big pots out front bloomed throughout the winter.

With my new found surge of energy I decided to organize a neighborhood garage sale. I sent everyone a note about my plan, sighed people up, (5 out of 50 wasn't bad) and made the signs, blew up balloons, placed the ad in the paper.
On Saturday April 17, we were all ready at 8, gorgeous day! The sale was a huge success, and a lot of fun. It got everyone out of their houses at least! At 11 most of us were sold out.We had a lot of stuff, baby stuff, kitchen stuff etc, and we did amazingly well.
Never did get rid of the darn crib though. Perhaps I should just take it apart en keep it.
My goal is to empty my storage unit, thus saving 50 bucks a month. It's almost empty. Just need to get rid of the old wheelchairs and my IMac computer.

So all in all we're doing well. Knock on wood.

More later

SGMKJ!

In Them old Cotton Fields Back Home........

2009-10-04T14:58:00.006-04:00

We have lived in these them parts for almost five years now and NEVER have I noticed them cotton fields!!
And they are right there, we drive by them every gosh darn day!

Since I was getting curious about this crop that was growing everywhere, with the white stuff, I decided to take Boo-boo on a walk along the "river" We never made to the actual river, it would have been too long of a walk for her.
The weather was great though. Cool, a little overcast, about 63 degrees. Perfect for a little stroll.
We could have walked from home, but it's about a mile so that was too much for Oma. So we took the car instead of the stroller and parked it right next to the soccer fields.

The Hispanic community plays a bunch of games here on the weekends.
It was a great atmosphere, families all about, kids running around, parents on the sidelines while the daddies played soccer.

We checked out the field and low and behold, it IS cotton! most of it blooming. Amazing!
Boo was thrilled, even though she has no clue why I was so excited. Haha.
But she loved the soft tufts of cotton I had her touch, tried to explain that this stuff is used to make her T shirts and her pants.
Hmm.
It's amazing that this pure cotton actually SMELLS like cotton. Clean and fresh. The pods they pop out of are hard and pointy, and I had a tough time trying to pick a few twigs without pulling the entire plant out.

We walked for about 1/4 of a mile. Saw a bunny rabbit munch on some grass. She got to about ten feet of it before it scampered away.

There is a trail that runs along the river (left of those trees) and it wanders around for about 3 miles and comes back to the soccer fields.

After we visited them cotton fields, we watched the soccer match for a while, Boo wanted to "play" but I convinced her this was for the big guys, so we drove to the park. On the field inside the track the Catholic Church of St. Francis was having an open air mass. Our Catholic Church here, the only one for miles and miles, consists of about 95% Hispanic parishioners. There was quite a crowd. A Mariachi band, and lots of singing. On the playground some of the dads were letting the younger crowd play on the slides and jungle gym (Jim?)

It felt great there, the atmosphere was friendly, warm, people saying hello and good morning, everyone smiling. The men open and friendly, the women shy, tending to their flocks of kids. A different culture, for sure, but it felt good to be around.

After Mass was over the bleachers were put back outside the track, everyone helped clean up, and in about 15 minutes the field was empty. Everyone trucked over to the picnic grounds where the music started up again and the lunch was being served. Boo and I decided to walk around the track. We made it. 1/4 mile. She is the energy bunny.
After getting our toes tickled in the sand box, I had to drag her back to the car.

At home she ate her lunch, and took a decent nap.

It was a pretty nice day. If only I had the energy to take her out like that all the time. Lately though I am feeling it. My back, my hands. You want to be like you were when you were 30, or even 40, but it's just not possible, at least not for me. It's hard taking care of a little child.

Before we went out this morning she wanted to play the drums. I put my Tupperware bowls with lids on the coffee table and handed her a set of wooden spoons. She went nuts!

To think her uncle practiced on those same Tupperware bowls 25 years ago.

Her daddy played the drums too, as well as the guitar, he was actually pretty good. So we're hoping she's got some talent there as well.

She certainly knows her instruments. Even surprised me during a song on a CD I was playing in the car: there's that clarinet again!!!! (she was right!)

Amazing.

SGMKJ!

The wilderness and Uncle Bert

2009-09-28T19:29:00.006-04:00

My uncle and me somewhere...I forget where....might have been Dorrington, California. Top photo might haven been Sequoia Park.

I clearly recall us walking along a road and being kind of lost, but happily singing:

Een vreemde arme snuiter was moede van het wandelen
Was moede moede van het wandelen
Hij was zijn fluit verloren uit zijne mantelzak zak
Uit zijne mantelzak
Dat is niets ik heb gevonden waar jij zo veel van hield tralalala hield tralalala
Waar jij zo veel van hield

We edited the lyrics and it became such a silly song, we both peed our pants laughing.

Ahhh...sometimes this old brain remembers stuff....

Margo...check this out: http://www.engelfriet.net/Alie/versjes.htm#lijstje

And again, Bert would have loved Ken Burns' National Parks program. The second part was as amazing as the first. Very educational and inspirational. Make ya want to go out and watch the buffalo and Old Faithful, live in a cabin in the snow.

This is an amazing country, nature wise. Teddy Roosevelt reminds me of Barack Obama. He also made some huge decisions for change that nobody wanted, but in hindsight, everyone agrees with.

It all takes time, folks, a lot of time and patience.

SGMKJ!

Cupcakes and early wake-up calls

2009-09-28T18:28:00.003-04:00

We had Boo-boo all weekend. The weather was still a bit icky, especially in the afternoon, so I took a brave decision to make cupcakes with her.
She did pretty good! Even cracked an egg without much of a mess, stirred the batter and kept it in the bowl.
And then it was waiting in front of the oven.
Don't worry, I was right there behind her, and the oven doesn't get hot on the outside.

The result was a dozen utterly sweet little cakes with even worse frosting. The stuff that is so sweet it makes your eyes cross.

She looks rather "happy" here, a little high from the sugar rush.
But it was fun!

On Sunday morning at 6 am I sensed someone watching me. I opened my eyes and was nose to nose with a brightly awake toddler. "HI Oma!"
Argh!
I changed her and got her back in bed for another hour.

We colored, we read books, we watched Sharon, Lois and Bram a dozen times, and in the afternoon we played in our little playground, where she swinged (swung?) for about 15 minutes, urging me to push her higher and higher.
It made ME sick to my stomach. I never was one for swings and slides.
After the swinging we strolled along the neighborhood, discovering ant hills and other delightful treats.
At 2pm I dumped her in bed and we both took a good nap.

At 5 when Bugs came to pick her up I was ready to melt into mush.

After a long hot shower, Wheelie and I settled in front of the tube to watch Ken Burns' National Parks. What a great program, we can't wait to see the rest.

The part about Yosemite made me think of my uncle Bert (Iggy's father) who always loved the outdoors, and I recalled the trips to Sequoia and Yosemite Park back in 1968 and 1969.
He loved American history and nature, and he would have loved this program.

I wasn't much for camping, still am not, but he made me appreciate the American wilderness, the big trees, the waterfalls, the mountains.

Today was our day off. After a trip to the post office, I did my little Kohl's/Starbucks trip and then home to finish the ironing, changing the beds, doing the checkbook, paying some of the bills.

The weatherman promises temps in the 50s after tomorrow (nights) so it's almost time for my beloved flannel sheets again.

SGMKJ!

Our flood

2009-09-23T16:07:00.003-04:00

Taken yesterday, Saturday. 9-26

My camera is going on the blink. Great timing!

Anyway. I took this picture at the height of "our" flood here the other day. It was still raining. This is at the back of my house. There is a runoff space, which I guess works well. But if you can see it, the water almost reached the back porches of the town homes behind us. The stream was about 25 feet wide at the worst time.
Since we're built on "fill" our house is about 6 feet above this, but the line of trees is right at the edge of the water, and I am afraid that if we have a few more floods like this, the earth will erode and the trees will topple, and we will go down the hill.

It was a scary day, Bugs went to work, it took her a while to get there since people were driving like morons driving too fast, spinning out creating chaos on I-75.

Her restaurant lost it's power; the University decided to close, so at least she had some customers, even though the TVs didn't work.

She worried about coming home, not knowing which roads were closed. It was difficult to get a good picture of it. We knew I-575 was closed (all 8 lanes of it) and I-20. Later the perimeter around Atlanta as closed on the southbound part as well. Many areas were flooded, as all those little and not so little (Chattahoochee) were cresting, and flooding roads and neighborhoods, rich ones and poor ones.

Here in Cartersville on a road not far from us, an entire mobile home park was under water.
We never did find out where that was.

I took Boo for a little drive yesterday, and the Etowah river, which meanders through our area, had flooded much of the meadows and fields, but the roads were good.

My little friend Wendy, 7 months pregnant and a 2 year old in tow, posted on Face book at 10:30pm that she was packing up and leaving. When they came back, they discovered that the water came within a foot of their floorboards, but their crawl space was flooded. Where the AC was located. Her backyard was inundated with dead salamanders, and she said everything stank of fish.

Wheelie wondered if I was planning on restocking another flooded Library again, like Bugs and I did 15 or so years ago.

God, I hope he was kidding!

We had our 15 minutes of fame in July of 1994 when I got the bright idea to start collecting children's books for the Rocky Creek library in Macon which flooded and lost a lot of their inventory. They lost all their Caldecott winners and other great children's books.

Somehow we were written up in the paper, and we even were on the evening news, film and all!
Bugs was in gymnastics those days and the owner of the club allowed us to use the facility for book drop off. They even awarded Bugs with a month "free" of gymnastics fees for her community service efforts.

It was a huge job! People gave us good stuff, but also a lot of crap. After we sorted all the books out, it took us three trips down to Macon (with a van, no less) to haul all those books down.

It was a wonderful experience for both of us.

God, where did all that energy go?

So...we're fine...as usual...*knock on wood*

We seem to be living in a small corner of Georgia where we don't get hit by bad weather too much.

Let's keep it that way.

And for those people who were not so lucky. I wish them well. I know there's a lot of help out there.

SGMKJ!

Damn shoes

2009-09-23T15:41:00.003-04:00

The past few weeks I've been entertaining the thought that I should really get some plan going in case I have to travel home.
The checklist has been made. The appropriate clothing is clean and ready to pack.
However. I still need some black dress shoes.

HA!

Now, when you've been running around the for past few years in Converse tennies and flip flops, your feet will NOT like putting on shoes.

Needless to say, I am not built for 4 or 5 inch spikes. My feet are too small, I'd be better off buying ballet toe shoes.

No, 1 to 2 inches should do it.

You'd think!

I received my catalog from Belk's and saw some nice little shoes. So I decided to go and have a look.

Well.
These are the ones I tried on first. Size 7. ( My regular size is 7 1/2)
No go. Too BIG.
Tried a 6 1/2. They fit better, but my bunions and my big toes were going:

Ouch! Ouch!..argh! No-no-no-nooooo

I tried walking around a bit, realizing that I just had to get my feet used to them. But no go. Even the 2 inch heels are too high for me.

I found the ones in the top picture, but they didn't have my size. They seemed more comfortable, no seams on my bunions, and a lower heel, softer leather.

Oh well.

It'll probably come down to spending a few more bucks for some NICE soft ones. Problem is, I hardly ever wear dress shoes anymore, so I hate to spend a fortune.

Funny how things changes over the years. As a teenager, all I bought were shoes (and handbags) when I first started working. I couldn't get enough shoes. Of course back in those days and being in Europe, most shoes were made in Italy, and I had my favorite store (Dungelmans) which always had my favorite styles, always the latest styles, the softest shoes.

With my very first paycheck I bought a pair of black patent leather heels, very pointy toes, very slender 2 inch heels. I had those little metal thingies put on the bottom so I could hear myself click-clacking around. Mind you, I had the skinniest legs (still do) and in those days we wore nylons (time before pantyhose), worse yet, with SEAMS up the back.

My nylons always ballooned at the calf a little, and it must have been quite a sight to watch me walk around.
Us girls loved to wear our heels to church on Sundays. We'd sit all the way in the back so that for communion we would have to walk ALL the way to the front over the stone floor, making quite a ruckus.

When I came to the States, I wore mostly nurses shoes to work (yuck) and comfortable flats during my jobs in retail.

Then there came a time I wore nothing but Swedish clogs and Birkenstocks. Wore those for ages!

It wasn't until I became manager at Macy's I felt I deserved to look fancier, and I did wear heels then.

At one time, Bugs was about 4 or so, we were shopping the famous Macy's shoe sale. She came up to me 'presenting' a very pretty pointy pink/purple Via Spiga flat with a big round leather bow on top. She said: " mama, now - THESE ....... are - adorable!!!" (Imagine a 4 year old "presenting" a shoe and saying that!)
Of course I bought them, and they were the most comfortable shoes I had ever owned, to hell with the color. I actually wore those shoes out, even had them resoled a few times.

Since our retirement I've only had one pair of dress shoes, which I bought for my nephew's wedding. Wore them once. Gave them to Goodwill.

So it has been Reebocks, Flipflops, Converse (pink etc) and sandals for the past 10 years or so.

No wonder my feet are protesting confining shoes!

I won't give up though, GOTTA have some good shoes.

Just mailed my Publisher's Clearinghouse entry, perhaps I'll win a big prize. Than I can buy LOTS of shoes, expensive ones!

It's also kind of interesting that I now LOVE to buy shoes for Boo-boo. I have three brand new pairs for her, ready to grow into. Heck, I buy them when they first get on the shelves, otherwise they're gone when you need them

Make sense huh!

*lol*

SGMKJ!

It's raining........

2009-09-20T10:18:00.003-04:00

The summer is coming to an end. It has been raining off and on for the past few weeks now, not a whole lot in this area, but enough.
As summers go here in Georgia, this one was mild. Either that or I just didn't notice.
In any event, I am glad fall is around the corner. I can't wait to go out and be able to suck up some cool air, wear warmies and long sleeves again, put the flannel sheets on the bed.

Forgive me for not writing these past few weeks. I have a sneaky suspicion that my lack of enthusiasm is due to my taking anti depressants. Seriously. They calm me down, they get my moods evened out, but on the other hand, well, quite frankly...it's frigging boring!
No uumpf to do much of anything, be creative, have energy. Oh, I have been productive, and calm...I get the dishes done every time, the laundry gets done, I even vacuum more often and clean up the toys every day. I even have more patience with Boo-boo, who, by the way, is developing quite an interesting personality.

2 1/2 years old, she is quickly learning how to wrap us around her little finger. The acoustics in this house (high ceilings) enable her to shriek very loud when things don't go her way. Sometimes at the point where I worry about my neighbors wondering if I'm squeezing her.

It's my own fault, I usually just cave in and do what she wants. Just to keep her quiet.
I know that's not a good thing and I am honestly trying to keep my foot down when I have to, but when you don't feel well, it just isn't worth the extra headache.

She does makes us laugh a lot though. The stuff that comes out of her mouth. To listen to her play, and make her little dolls and figurines act, it's hilarious.
So glad the library program started up again. She just loves being around other children and loves to sing and play.

The potty training is slow. We had two successful accomplishments last week, but those were accidents. I haven't been actively sitting her down on the toilet very hour on the hour. Do not have the patience for it.
How in the world did I ever train my own kids? I truly don't remember! I know my son ran around outside naked a lot, so that helped. Don't worry, we lived on a hill with no one around for hundreds or yards.
Bugs...I just don't remember. Neither does she (obviously, as she is not exactly trying either haha)

Bugs is doing remarkably well since she is on anti depressants. The difference is like night and day. All of a sudden we have our sparkly Bugs back again. Oh, her troubles aren't over, but she is looking great, hasn't come home crying for over a week now, and seems to be doing well at work.
She is gaining some weight, and seems to be getting a grasp on her world again.

I'm sure that the fact I am not pushing her anymore (which I was really doing without realizing it much), and the fact that things are beginning to fall into place for her.
First of all, her house is now really in foreclosure. Her current income is not sufficient to pay the mortgage, even if the payments were to be lowered. I know this is not a good thing, but something that is inevitable, might as well get it over with.

She got Boo enrolled in Medicaid, which is fabulous, she doesn't pay a dime for her care right now. Boo is still taking breathing treatments, but she is doing much better, no more coughing.
We're all lined up for our flu shots.

We are still waiting to see what's happening with Daddy's so called "work program". So far Bugs's hasn't seen the $200/a week she was promised. But government works slow, and since she had written him off all together anyway, any mullah that will come her way will be a gift from heaven.

I took my sorry butt to the doctor the other day. For a few weeks now I had noticed that something in the back of my throat seemed to spaz up. Like someone was pinching my esophagus. My stomach wasn't feeling all too happy either lately, and it always felt like I just swallowed a brick. Seems like stuff just didn't go down as fast as it should.
He diagnosed me with acid reflux.
More pills, blech.
We decided to slow down and stop the antidepressants, to see what would happen.
Just in time to see if I turn into a pumpkin for Halloween.
We also set up an appointment for extensive blood work and a complete physical.
Whoopee!

Right now both Wheelie and I are bit under the weather. He had one of his little episodes again yesterday, stayed in bed most of the morning. I was running around feeling crappy, stuff coming out both sides. Perhaps getting used to the new meds, who the hell knows.
I called Bugs and told her I couldn't keep Boo overnight. She cut her shift down and came home early.

Thank you!

We were able to go to bed and feel sorry for ourselves early last night.
Today PH is watching Boo, so we have another day to be pitiful.

Perfect!

So here we are. Nothing going on to write home about. Life is cruising along.

I'm sure more exciting stuff is on the way.

Until then

Keep yer chin up and wash your hands!

SGMKJ!

Boo is happy with her new "couch"

2009-09-11T16:37:00.003-04:00

Which folds out to a bed, and even has a sleeping bag attached.

Hee Hawwwww!

Zoom Zoom.........and off they go!!!!!!!!

2009-09-11T15:31:00.001-04:00

Oh, and by the way

2009-09-10T14:09:00.002-04:00

The new picture with the title is a view at Kijkduin. The beach where I grew up, well not grew up, but spent a lot of time on.
My sister and I usually go and visit when I am in Holland, and enjoy a cup of coffee at one of the terraces there.

:>)

Turningpoint?

2009-09-10T13:33:00.003-04:00

There are changes in the air.
Our president delivered one terrific speech last night. I don't think he could have been any clearer on this Health plan thing.
Republican Joe Wilson's ridiculous "you lie!" outburst showed the ignorance and the complete unwillingness to cooperate with this new president. Not to mention the fact that he completely disrespected President Obama.
It's beyond me, how so many people just do not get it. Or are unwilling to get it.
Why?
What does anyone have to lose??

Just unbelievable!

Last night we got some well deserved sleep. Even though Bugs worked late. Boo went to sleep at a reasonable time. Her breathing treatments are really working. I didn't give her her Claritin yesterday at all. She was much calmer, and I only had to scrape her off the ceiling once. :>)

So it seems that life for my daughter is slowly changing for the better.
I am still holding my breath, but there is definitely something going on.
As I mentioned before, Boo was accepted for Medicaid. Yesterday Bugs got a packet in the mail about Peach Care.
Plus she got a long letter from Court about what's going on with Daddy.

Daddy was approved for this work program. We don't know when this starts or started, but initially he gets 5 week days to find himself a job. He leaves the jail at 8 every day and is supposed to come back at 5. Once he does find a job, and I understand that he will be in deep shit if he doesn't, Bugs will be paid $200 a week. This is to catch up with what he owes AFTER he pays her the $1400 they went to court over initially.
$200 a week will go a long way. I'm thinking: DAYCARE!!
And if she hauls her little butt and applies for the Daycare subsidy program, she will have a few pennies left for other things, such as gas and groceries.

She's off today and tomorrow, and I hope she will use her time wisely.

We are speculating about all this. We wonder if the fact that she received Medicaid and applied for other services, the State got off their butts and started the work program procedure.
It might also be that his parents are getting REALLY anxious about being able to see Boo again, and perhaps they've been on his ass for that.

Just speculation, but you wonder.

And then there is something I'm not supposed to tell. *LOLOL* yeah right.

Apparently Bugs' old boss (And PH's current boss) and his wife are definitely getting a divorce.
The guy is fed up with his life and disappeared for five days. No one knew where he was. But he called PH and told him he was somewhere on the Gulf coast, trying to get a deal with a friend of his to start a new business down there, and he wondered if PH would be interested to run the place.

Now...this guy has had more pipe dreams than anyone, always looking for that next opportunity, always running into problems, but now that the couple is truly splitting, it might be something to ponder.

Bugs is ambivalent, but also secretly excited...(We're going to live at the beach!!! (never mind the frigging hurricanes))
She asked me how we would feel about it. And frankly, I feel GREAT! *lol*
Not that I wouldn't miss them, but right now we could use some peace and quiet around here.
And who the hell knows, moving for us wouldn't be much of a problem. We've been known to move at the drop of a hat!

We are all itching to get out of this town I guess. Wheelie dragging along, he doesn't care.

We shall see. In the meantime, Bugs is getting used to her new job, seems to enjoy it a little more, is gaining weight, becoming a little more/better focused.

Boo is developing, and perfecting, her two-year-old personality.
Lordy!
This kid can make ya feel real baddddd.
She can cry and make you feel sorry like a professional. And it's taking all my energy to go with the flow and not give in to her tantrums.
Most of the time things work out well. Wheelie snickering in the background, or just leaving the room, as he can't stop from laughing.
Not fair!
But she is a character, that little stinker.

So there you have it, the new from Lake Wobegon

SGKMJ!

Sharon, Lois & Bram

2009-09-05T13:42:00.004-04:00

When Bugs was a toddler, she used to watch and love this Canadian trio's programs.

And now her little one has discovered them as well.
It started out as a try. I wondered if this show, the songs, would turn our Boo on.
Well, I need not have worried.

She LUVS them!

I managed to get my hands on three old videos, as well as a few CDs (for the car, arghhh)
She HAS to watch them constantly, and pretty much know all the songs, the words, the subtle nuances of the music.

Thank God the music is calm and fun, so we enjoy them as well. (Old farts)

I can't remember ever knowing so many children's songs before. When mine were young, we didn't listen in the car much I guess. I don't recall ever having to replay a song over and over again until my eyes crossed. But...you sure learn the lyrics that way!

So we went from Elmo to Barney (we always swore we wouldn't allow OUR kids to watch Barney, haha!) to Sharon, Lois & Bram.
What's next?
Dora the Explorer? Barbie? Bratz? Hannah Montana? and God forbid, the Jonas Brothers?

All kidding aside, we'll adjust our tastes to hers as time goes on, I am sure. After all, we happily went through the punk scene. The Green Day, Mighty Bostones, the Offspring, Rancid etc. concerts, the Warped Tour, Lollapalooza, etc etc.

It's too bad Wheelie is no longer in the recording business. We sure aren't up to date anymore with the new artists, classical OR rock. Guess we'll leave that education to our granddaughter.

I hope we'll be able to take her to all sorts of events when she gets bigger. It will be great fun to watch her, like her mom, get all freaked out and sing and dance, let it all hang out.
Just hope there won't be any mosh pits around anymore then, they scared me to bits. Fearless Bugs was always right in the middle of it all, I just prayed and closed my eyes a lot.

~~~~~~~~~

Bugs's shingles seem to be reacting well to the meds, they are drying up. Itch like crazy, but no more pain.
Boo is a little wild today, could be the antihistamine she's on (Claritin for kids). We did our errands this morning. She entertained the masses at the post office, going full tilt. Singing, running, saying HI to everyone, touching people, asking them stuff, laughing out loud.
With three of my dead auntie's necklaces around her neck, she was a riot. So glad the people in line were all in a good mood and smiled and enjoyed her antics.

She truly is a gift these days, her wonderful energy, her love.
In a time where everywhere around me, I know people are having problems.
Most of my closest relatives are going through tough times with their own grown children. It seems to never end.
So it's a blessing to have this little chunk of sunshine running around my house to keep your perspective.

Ahhh...it seems that the clicking of my keyboard has lulled her to sleep.

YES!

SGMKJ!

And the hits just keep on coming

2009-09-03T17:01:00.002-04:00

We kept Boo overnight since Bugs had a "late" schedule, and it wouldn't make sense to pick up the little squirt at 1 or 2 in the morning only to turn around at 9am again and bring her back.

We had a successful evening, with a good dinner, watching Wheel and Joepardy (She needs to do her Jeopardy dance at the end). Went to bed at eight and pretty much slept through the night. Woke us up with a cheerful: Morninggggg! at 7am.

Still coughing too much in my opinion I suggested Bugs she call the pediatrician. She got an appointment right away this afternoon at three.
And guess what. Medicaid kicks in big time. No charge for the Doc. No charge for the nebulizer. (I'm not sure if she has to pay for the meds yet)

So Bugs came home between shifts yesterday to show me her "bug bite" Since she couldn't reach to see it. Considering where it's located. Umm...on her backside...kind of...ummm...hidden...

It looked like more than a bug bite to me, so she decided to ask Boo's doc about it. Of course the doc couldn't do anything, but she told her that she should see her own doc, as it sounded like a staff infection.
The spot was now a ring of purple tiny blisters and hurt like a sob.

She stopped by Dr. Tim, and he diagnosed SHINGLES. Gave her a scrip for two antibiotics.
He was pleased to see that she gained three pounds, and looked SO much better.

He told her she caught it very early, and was confident it wouldn't spread. God, I hope so. My mom had shingles and it was extremely painful and lasted for months.

In the meantime, Boo is back on her Penguin Nebulizer three times a day, and got a prescription for Claritin. It might be an allergy. (Might be? Can't they test her for allergies?)

Anyway.........nothing earth shattering, I guess. Bugs is taking it all very well, and calmly.

Did you know that a Daycare center cannot (and will not) tell you the name of a child who BIT your child? They have to report it for their records and you have to sign it, but they won't tell you who did the dirty deed.

Of course Boo blew the whole thing by stating in a loud voice: ABIGAIL BIT ME!

*LOL*

Nice set of chompers on her little arm, but no skin broken.

I asked the teacher: Did she bite her back, I hope? It was a joke, but the teacher looked at me funny.

I know, not a very pedagogic thing to day, but hey.

SGMKJ!

Some tune long long forgotten

2009-09-01T20:21:00.004-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V78Qm1_IeRA

Back in 1968, when I first met Puri, he was working for a record distributor across the street from the Bay Side Coffee shop, where I worked for/with my uncle and aunts (and sometimes Iggy).
His 'pick up line' was: "Do you like music?"

Of course I liked music!

I knew he would come in the next day with a bunch of LPs. Alas, that next day
I flew to Banff, Canada to spend a few weeks at my other aunt and uncle's, and one of my best buddies and cousin Jos.
Jos decided to do what I did, he flew the coupe and emigrated to Canada. (He lasted about a year)
Jos and I had a little bit of a history. We were the same age, and we were very, VERY, good friends. We would go on little dates. Just dancing, and movies, parties. He was a super dancer, and always the life of the party, despite his fragile health (he had some kind of lung disease when he was little) A nice platonic relationship, which nevertheless worried my father and his brother, Jos' dad.
The need not have worried.

My cousin was the Dutch version of Jerry Lewis. This guy could make you laugh so hard, you would need a few extra pair of panties if you spent more than a few hours with him.

Argh, that sounds dirty. Haha!

But I digress.

I intended to stay in Canada for a while, but Iggy's mom was in an accident and I was called 'home' because they needed me at the Coffee shop.

Puri was happy and relieved to see me again. He thought I'd gone back to Holland. The next day he came in with a fist full of LPs. The only ones I remember were a Trini Lopez album and a Pozo Seco Singers LP.

Since I loved folk music, I loved the Pozo Seco Singers right from the start.

It's funny how one's brain works sometimes. Here I was just sitting on the couch tonight, watching Wheel of Fortune, and in pops the thought of this album.

41 Years ago. A very green and perty darn ignorant skinny Dutch girl fell in love with a guy ten years her senior, a divorced guy no less, with two children no less, not Catholic no less.

Oh shame!

:>)

I found a few YouTube's on this group, and was able to listen to some of the songs once again.

Folk music was my favorite in those days. Joan Baez, The Seekers, New Christy Minstrels, Serendipity Singers, Pete Seeger, Kingston Trio, Gordon Lightfoot, Tim Hardin...............and...and...and...

Nice memories......

From the home front:

Bugs seems to do very well on her anti depressing meds. She seems more centered, more focused, happier.

Until we received a letter in our mail box today addressed to her.

From Nana.

Oh boy!

She read it sitting on the sofa here. Ten pages long. Didn't say much (except for a soft: sonoffaF***ngbitch!)

There, there now...

Nana had an interesting but absurd offer: Move in with US, and I will take care of Boo, so SHE WON"T HAVE TO GO TO DAYCARE.....and YOU won't even have to work if you don't want to!

Daddy will be in jail for at least a year. He is reading his bible every day. Nana is praying every day, all day long. Like that's going to pay Bugs' rent, or pay the child support he owes her.

As much as I feel for these people, they are Boo's grand parents after all, I don't think these folks understand where Bugs (and us for that matter) is coming from.

Perhaps the solution would be to come to some compromise and let them see/visit Boo on Bugs' terms, in the park or something like that. That way she would not have to get involved with the family.

And no, I did not suggest this to Bugs. I am behaving myself, staying out of it.

It will be interesting to see how things will develop.
One thing is a fact though, this family IS part of her life, whether she likes it or not.

Bugs had good news in HER mailbox. Both she and Boo are now officially signed up for Medicaid.
A huge relief, as I foresee more doctor's appointments for both of them.
Boo has this cough, and I have a feeling we'll be ending up having to buy that Penguin shaped nebulizer. I really have a feeling she has a chronic problem.

The weather has been outstanding. Nice and cool. overcast and some rain. It's quite a relief to be able to go out and take deep cool breaths, and not collapse from heat exhaustion just walking to and from the mail box.

SGMKJ!

5 Myths About Health Care Around the World

2009-08-31T20:11:00.000-04:00

Amen!

5 Myths About Health Care Around the World

By T.R. Reid

Sunday, August 23, 2009

As Americans search for the cure to what ails our health-care system, we've overlooked an invaluable source of ideas and solutions: the rest of the world. All the other industrialized democracies have faced problems like ours, yet they've found ways to cover everybody -- and still spend far less than we do.

I've traveled the world from Oslo to Osaka to see how other developed democracies provide health care. Instead of dismissing these models as "socialist," we could adapt their solutions to fix our problems. To do that, we first have to dispel a few myths about health care abroad:

It's all socialized medicine out there.

Not so. Some countries, such as Britain, New Zealand and Cuba, do provide health care in government hospitals, with the government paying the bills. Others -- for instance, Canada and Taiwan -- rely on private-sector providers, paid for by government-run insurance. But many wealthy countries -- including Germany, the Netherlands, Japan and Switzerland -- provide universal coverage using private doctors, private hospitals and private insurance plans.

In some ways, health care is less "socialized" overseas than in the United States. Almost all Americans sign up for government insurance (Medicare) at age 65. In Germany, Switzerland and the Netherlands, seniors stick with private insurance plans for life. Meanwhile, the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs is one of the planet's purest examples of government-run health care.

2. Overseas, care is rationed through limited choices or long lines.

Generally, no. Germans can sign up for any of the nation's 200 private health insurance plans -- a broader choice than any American has. If a German doesn't like her insurance company, she can switch to another, with no increase in premium. The Swiss, too, can choose any insurance plan in the country.
In France and Japan, you don't get a choice of insurance provider; you have to use the one designated for your company or your industry. But patients can go to any doctor, any hospital, any traditional healer. There are no U.S.-style limits such as "in-network" lists of doctors or "pre-authorization" for surgery. You pick any doctor, you get treatment -- and insurance has to pay.
Canadians have their choice of providers. In Austria and Germany, if a doctor diagnoses a person as "stressed," medical insurance pays for weekends at a health spa.

As for those notorious waiting lists, some countries are indeed plagued by them. Canada makes patients wait weeks or months for nonemergency care, as a way to keep costs down. But studies by the Commonwealth Fund and others report that many nations -- Germany, Britain, Austria -- outperform the United States on measures such as waiting times for appointments and for elective surgeries.

In Japan, waiting times are so short that most patients don't bother to make an appointment. One Thursday morning in Tokyo, I called the prestigious orthopedic clinic at Keio University Hospital to schedule a consultation about my aching shoulder. "Why don't you just drop by?" the receptionist said. That same afternoon, I was in the surgeon's office. Dr. Nakamichi recommended an operation. "When could we do it?" I asked. The doctor checked his computer and said, "Tomorrow would be pretty difficult. Perhaps some day next week?"

3. Foreign health-care systems are inefficient, bloated bureaucracies.

Much less so than here. It may seem to Americans that U.S.-style free enterprise -- private-sector, for-profit health insurance -- is naturally the most cost-effective way to pay for health care. But in fact, all the other payment systems are more efficient than ours.
U.S. health insurance companies have the highest administrative costs in the world; they spend roughly 20 cents of every dollar for nonmedical costs, such as paperwork, reviewing claims and marketing. France's health insurance industry, in contrast, covers everybody and spends about 4 percent on administration. Canada's universal insurance system, run by government bureaucrats, spends 6 percent on administration. In Taiwan, a leaner version of the Canadian model has administrative costs of 1.5 percent; one year, this figure ballooned to 2 percent, and the opposition parties savaged the government for wasting money.

The world champion at controlling medical costs is Japan, even though its aging population is a profligate consumer of medical care. On average, the Japanese go to the doctor 15 times a year, three times the U.S. rate. They have twice as many MRI scans and X-rays. Quality is high; life expectancy and recovery rates for major diseases are better than in the United States. And yet Japan spends about $3,400 per person annually on health care; the United States spends more than $7,000.

4. Cost controls stifle innovation.

False. The United States is home to groundbreaking medical research, but so are other countries with much lower cost structures. Any American who's had a hip or knee replacement is standing on French innovation. Deep-brain stimulation to treat depression is a Canadian breakthrough. Many of the wonder drugs promoted endlessly on American television, including Viagra, come from British, Swiss or Japanese labs.

Overseas, strict cost controls actually drive innovation. In the United States, an MRI scan of the neck region costs about $1,500. In Japan, the identical scan costs $98. Under the pressure of cost controls, Japanese researchers found ways to perform the same diagnostic technique for one-fifteenth the American price. (And Japanese labs still make a profit.)

5. Health insurance has to be cruel.

Not really. American health insurance companies routinely reject applicants with a "preexisting condition" -- precisely the people most likely to need the insurers' service. They employ armies of adjusters to deny claims. If a customer is hit by a truck and faces big medical bills, the insurer's "rescission department" digs through the records looking for grounds to cancel the policy, often while the victim is still in the hospital. The companies say they have to do this stuff to survive in a tough business.
Foreign health insurance companies, in contrast, must accept all applicants, and they can't cancel as long as you pay your premiums. The plans are required to pay any claim submitted by a doctor or hospital (or health spa), usually within tight time limits. The big Swiss insurer Groupe Mutuel promises to pay all claims within five days. "Our customers love it," the group's chief executive told me. The corollary is that everyone is mandated to buy insurance, to give the plans an adequate pool of rate-payers.

The key difference is that foreign health insurance plans exist only to pay people's medical bills, not to make a profit. The United States is the only developed country that lets insurance companies profit from basic health coverage.

In many ways, foreign health-care models are not really "foreign" to America, because our crazy-quilt health-care system uses elements of all of them. For Native Americans or veterans, we're Britain: The government provides health care, funding it through general taxes, and patients get no bills. For people who get insurance through their jobs, we're Germany: Premiums are split between workers and employers, and private insurance plans pay private doctors and hospitals. For people over 65, we're Canada: Everyone pays premiums for an insurance plan run by the government, and the public plan pays private doctors and hospitals according to a set fee schedule. And for the tens of millions without insurance coverage, we're Burundi or Burma: In the world's poor nations, sick people pay out of pocket for medical care; those who can't pay stay sick or die.

This fragmentation is another reason that we spend more than anybody else and still leave millions without coverage. All the other developed countries have settled on one model for health-care delivery and finance; we've blended them all into a costly, confusing bureaucratic mess.

Which, in turn, punctures the most persistent myth of all: that America has "the finest health care" in the world. We don't. In terms of results, almost all advanced countries have better national health statistics than the United States does. In terms of finance, we force 700,000 Americans into bankruptcy each year because of medical bills. In France, the number of medical bankruptcies is zero. Britain: zero. Japan: zero. Germany: zero.

Given our remarkable medical assets -- the best-educated doctors and nurses, the most advanced hospitals, world-class research -- the United States could be, and should be, the best in the world. To get there, though, we have to be willing to learn some lessons about health-care administration from the other industrialized democracies.

T.R. Reid, a former Washington Post reporter, is the author of "The Healing of America: A Global Quest for Better, Cheaper, and Fairer Health Care," to be published Monday.

Hair today, gone tomorrow

2009-08-29T13:47:00.002-04:00

So let's get you up to speed as to what's going on here.

Bugs is still at TacoMac. She doesn't like it. She misses the regular paycheck, as opposed to wondering how much she'll go home with in tips every day.
She came down with some sort of virus. Went to the doctor, who told her to take a few days off, take Advil for the aches and pains and let it run it's course.
She seems a little better today. Good for her, as she has a long day today.

The coming week will be the last for Boo to spend in Daycare for a while. I know she will miss it, she really seems to enjoy being around other kids, and playing all day.
But she is also coughing again, sounding a little raspy.

I had a serious talk with Bugs the other day. Told her I was no longer in a position to help her out anymore. After this week's daycare payment, the well is dry.

A segment of People's Court the other day (yes, I am becoming one of those couch potatoes who watches the JUDGE shows) there was a case about a mother in law suing her daughter in law for credit card charges.
I will not bore you with the story, but in the end the Judge shook her fingers at both the mom of the girl and the mother in law, and explained: You are not doing this girl a favor by being her friend and bailing her out all the time. She is an adult, she is responsible for her own life. Stay OUT of it!
Whew!
I didn't completely agree with this, but I have to admit, she has a point there.

I asked Wheelie to stop me every time I am tempted to "help" Bugs out in the future; give her advice; suggest things; pay her bills...
Of course he shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. But I hope he will help me with this.

We shall see. Tough love, for everyone. Hmm..

The other night when we were getting into bed, Wheelie had his arms over his head and I noticed all his pit hair is gone. I jokingly asked him if he shaved himself for me. He looked...Huh!...He hadn't noticed.
We looked a bit further, and low and behold. He is losing ALL his body hair. He used to have a nice grey rough thatch on his chest...gone! The hair on his legs...gone! On his arms...almost gone!
The hair on his head is still there bit getting thin.
Weird!
I wonder if it's the hormone treatments. After all, on my statements from the doc, it's called chemo. We're going on 2 1/2 years of treatment now.
It's just strange we didn't notice. Oh, I did notice more hair than normal on the shower floor now and then, but I just never question it, just cleaned it up.

Boo is becoming quite a character. Every day we discover something new. Or should I say: She discovers something new.
The other day I asked her if she wanted a sandwich, to which she replied: I wanna BAGEL!

It cracked us all up, as it came out so unexpectedly.

She now re-reads the books I read her first. She will sit and "read" the story, pretty much recalling every single word. Amazing.

She loves bulldozers and trucks and dump trucks. Guess we don't have to wonder about what to get her for Christmas this year.

As for me...after just watching part of the Kennedy funeral, I am a bit sad and wistful.
Another great man gone, a part of history gone.
I met Ted Kennedy in person when I was a very green young lady, just "off the boat", one of my first weekends in America. My uncle took me to the Democratic headquarters in San Mateo, where Ted was campaigning for his brother. He even shook my hand.
I had absolutely NO clue as to what the American politics were all about.

Our country is on the verge....of something....I can only hope and pray it's a change for the good.

SGMKJ!

Welcome Back

2009-08-27T19:13:00.001-04:00

For now I'll just say hello.
When my brain is back to normal (soon, hopefully) I will start writing again.

SGMKJ!