Thursday, July 28, 2016
(well, actually it's Friday as it is after midnight)

It would probably be a good idea to fire up my blog again. Put my thoughts on paper again.
Thank God someone was able to forward me the url, because I lost it.
Thanks Diana

I just watched Hillary accept the nomination.
A girl breaking the glass ceiling.
A fierce speech.
Lots of good ideas and promises.
I like her, I hope she will become our next president. I just hope and pray she will not get the same moronic finagling from the Republicans, like they did to Obama.
I like her humanity. Her earnest demeanor.

We were watching history being made tonight.

And I am not even going spend my energy on the "other" nominee.

Tonight I went through some papers.
A folder with everything about David's death, the sympathy cards, the certificate of cremation, his SS card, Driver's license, Medicare card, Birth certificate, death certificate, his Army papers.

Another folder with my own stuff, bunch of old passports, and one new one, my US citizen certificate (1995)
My school diploma, my son's "amends" letter, which I keep close to my heart.

I reread all the sympathy cards again. Bringing to the surface those tender sad days right after he died.
Wondering and being so pissed off that none of his kids, grand kids even bothered to send a card. Or made a phone call.

I have not had the heart to open the two full envelopes with our correspondence, our love letters.
We didn't "go" together for very long, but we wrote each other every day.
I just can't get myself to read them yet.

It was difficult enough to open my old Blog here and read the last posts.

It has been a tough couple of months. Some say it's the grieving taking hold of my heart. It probably is, but I also stopped my depression meds. I was tired of feeling "good"
I cry a lot. Especially when I worry about my financial situation.
And not having an army of people to hold me and tell me it will be alright.
I have Spider and Boo, I have my FB friends, I have my sister in Holland.
And a few (well, really only one) friend who moved closeby after her husband died a month before David did.
I don't mingle much with the neighbors.
Just don't feel very social these days.

But I still crochet like a maniac. It keeps my hands supple.
I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (but it could also be Ostio, he guy doesn't know what)
In any event, everything hurts, my back,. my hips my toes, my hands, my shoulders.
He wanted to send me to a rheumatologist, and a physical therapist.
The cop pay for each visit to an specialist costs me 45$, which I can't afford.

So he put me on anti inflammatory meds, which gives me the runs. But it helps the pain for the most part.

I am struggling to make ends meet. Even ask for help from St. Vincent de Paul. I'm still waiting for them to come and assess my situation.

I've put myself on a waiting list for a one bedroom apartment in this building, which they wanted a 100$ deposit for, without much reassurance that this will happen anytime soon. But it will be worth it, 200$ less than I pay now. I like my apartment with so much room, but I really can do with just one bedroom and one bathroom.

So life is a interesting right now.

And my back is starting to smart from sitting in this office chair, so I'll end it and go to bed.

SGMK