Perhaps it's the fact that so much happened in two years. Perhaps it's the fact that I really left my mother 45 years ago when I decided to leave home and move to America. It gave us distance from each other. We drove each other nuts sometimes.
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| Friesland, April, 2011 |
Of course I miss her. She was a unique person. Crazy sense of humor. She was a terrific mom. She loved us kids, and took excellent care of us.
As the oldest she expected so much (too much) from me. I fought her tooth and nail. I wanted to be independent. I wanted to work, not go to school. She wanted me to finish high school. She wanted me to become a housewife like her. She taught me how to iron, how to peel potatoes, how to dust, vacuum, polish the wooden furniture, polish those damn copper miniature doo-dats, the silver tea set. Argh.
Of course when I became a mother myself, I saw the reasons why she was that way. She wanted the best for me. Too bad we didn't agree on what was best for me.
I treated her ugly when I was in my teens. To the point where she was about to have a serious nervous breakdown, and my father begged me to be kind to her.
The distance apart was good for both of us. We wrote each other often. She wasn't aware of most of the bad times I had over the years. Oh she knew about the big boo-boos, but a lot of stuff she didn't have to endure.
It wasn't until the much later years that we were able to talk like grown ups with each other. She had become much more liberal in her thinking, more laid back. I became more sensible, saw her for the woman she was. A hard working wife and mom. Nothing was ever too much for her. She made our clothes, and we always looked great, modern and clean.
I spent some quality time with her the week after papa died. I really didn't want to, but my sister insisted I stay at mom's apartment, instead of hers. So I slept on a cot behind the couch in the small living room for the whole week. We spent some quality time together talking about papa, about our upbringing, our lives.
She became the crying child who needed comfort. I became the mother who would try and make her feel all better.
And so it happened that we both had closure.
I went back home one more time, to celebrate her 88th birthday. My sister and I took her to Friesland for a couple of days. I sensed that it was the last time we were going to physically spend together.
And 8 months later she died. On December 19.
I got the call while parking the car at Wal Mart. I sat in the car for a long time, just being still. I had talked with her the night before. We talked every day on the phone while she was sick, in and out of hospital, and finally those last couple of days
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My son had the chance to talk to his Oma via Skype the day before she died. It was a miracle for her to see his face and hear his voice once more. I think she also gave him hell for treating me the way he had been the past couple of years.
She was that way. Didn't want any fighting, ugliness, problems among the family members, the brothers, sisters.
Today I smiled when I thought of her. I hear her voice in my head all the time. So we're good.
To think I was going to tell you about our day...ha!
After we finally managed to hook up the DVD player to the TV, and actually made it WORK, we decided to get our driver's license renewed. Wheelie needed to renew his ID card.
These days they are pretty anal about how it's done. You need two forms of ID, a valid passport, or a birth certificate. Your social security card. Two pieces of proof of residence.
I had it all. I am anal about keeping our records in one place, you see.:>)
So we got there, no line, just a couple dozen people sitting on chairs waiting their turn.
How long could this take?
After an hour I started to worry. But Wheelie was cool. He already pooped for the day (I take him nowhere unless he pooped) and he was feeling ok.
After asking him if he was ok a million times he told me to relax. So I did. Two hours later we were finally called. We had to go to two separate windows.
The folks at the DMV were kind and patient, so it went pretty well considering.
Until the guy who was helping Wheelie came over to my window and asked if I wanted the 5 year renewal for $20, or the 15 year renewal for $35.Little did he realize what he was asking.
It was an odd moment for me, knowing damn well he won't last another 5, let alone 15.
Sometimes I get these little realizations about the fact that we ARE in the end-of-life process, and once in a while it feels too real, and too scary.
We found out that the library was right next door to the DMV, but we were both hungry and we both needed to pee, so we went home.
It was a productive day.
Good for us!
Wheelie had leftover mac and cheese, and I had a small pizza!
SGMKJ!
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