Being prepared, or being shit bat paranoid...

The yo yo-ing between bank and PayPal and eBay has been to say the least frustrating.

Even though everything I sold has been shipped, half of it has arrived, PayPal is holding on to my money until September.
This doesn't seem fair.
In order to pay for some shipping, I tried transferring some money from my bank account to PayPal. the bank released the money, PayPal tells me it won't be available until the 29th.

It was tricky to get every item shipped. But it's done.
I suppose I will just have to sit back and be patient.
The last money to be released will be September 9th.
Ridiculous!

I am so done with eBay.
Even though the system itself has become easier to use, it's not at all easy for people who are starting from scratch.
Your years of selling is not considered. Perhaps it has been too many years.

Oh well.
It's done.

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday.

Everything is UP

Blood pressure UP

Weight UP

glucose count UP
(no more pre-diabetic) guess I am now diabetic.

Doctor sat down in front of me, looked me in the eyes and said. You are still depressed.
He said that while reaching for the box of tissues.
Smart fellow.
The boo hoo's came a-rolling.
He patiently let me have my hissy fit.

Then started to write scripts

Back on Prozac and Lexapro

Increased my diabetes meds

Increased my blood pressure meds

Gave me some new sleeping pills to try out
(I asked him because I will need them when I am in Holland)

The thing I really need to do is MOVE, get OUT, stop sitting around all day.

And eat responsibly. RIGHT!

I really thought I was over the hump. But I'm not. I still cry at the thought of my David, still cry because everything is still such  a mess.

I need to get through this. Need to let it flow, but also take steps to get better.

I am very ambivalent about my trip.

I feel the urge to get prepared, in case something happens to me.
Making a list of all my accounts, passwords, phone numbers, cremation papers, etc etc.
So my kids won't have a bear of a time if and when the time comes.
I don't have a will, but I really don't have much.
A holographic will is not legal in Georgia.
I'll just make a them a list instructions of things that need to be done, and stuff they need to "keep"
ike Oma's tea service, David's medals, our wedding rings, our letters the photo albums

Once I've done all that I'll force myself to get in the mood for my trip.

Me and my little mascot Slick.

My trip promises to be a time of visits with old friends, promised long walks with my sister. (argh)
Much laughter, I am sure.

And probably much crying as well, as we are still smarting from our parents' deaths.
And our favorite relatives.

It's the age, they say.
You're almost 70, they say
It's life, they say

yeah,
I know

SGMKJ